pondering a purpose

As I progress into my second semester of medical school, I am beginning to think more about what my future holds. I have no idea what kind of doctor I want to be, and everytime I tell someone I'm a medical student, that is inevitably the first question they ask me. So I've been thinking a lot about it. The more I think about it, the more I have to keep telling myself that this is not about what I want, it's about what I am meant to do. Do I want to do surgery? emergency medicine? neurology? radiology? anesthesiology? There are so many options...do I want to work forever as a physician or do I maybe want to be a professor later? If anybody has any insight as to what they think I would be good at, it would be much appreciated.

As I study histology and physiology for hours on end, I can't help but wonder how much of this information I will even have to think about after this May. Last semester's classes won't even be but a small part of our board exams at the end of 2nd year.....so I begin to wonder, is this first year merely futile? Why do I work so hard if I don't need to know it in the future? I guess it's just one of those things that life throws out you that you have to deal with, and you have no say-so in it. It's just something you have to endure to get where you want. The thing that is getting me through right now is the thought of 3rd and 4th year in the hospital, on externships, etc. My OB/GYN offered to let me do an externship with her in my 4th year, and I could just work half-days. I wonder if that will work out....??

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. In fact, this year it is on Superbowl Sunday. I sure hope someone in our class will be throwing a Superbowl party and invite me so I can celebrate my birthday with everyone....hint, hint. The last time my birthday was on Superbowl Sunday was my first year of undergrad while I was in New York at RPI. I remember spending the evening in Jeri's apartment with all the girls. It was so much fun! In case any of you just happen to remember, that was also the year that Janet Jackson's mammary popped out of her outfit. I'm so glad I can have birthday memories that are just that good...we'll have to see if this year beats that one! I suppose it depends on who is there...(I won't name names).